I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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