Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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