just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
