Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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