At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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