I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
