I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
