Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
