oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
