I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
