What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
