i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
