Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
