batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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