well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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