Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
