There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
