At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I love you.
Bad choice
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
