explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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