No awkward lesbian experiences without me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
