some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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