with your own penis?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
