Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
