just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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