So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
