Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
