What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
