You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
