I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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