So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize