Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
