4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish my penis had an off switch
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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