i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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