we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
