You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
