I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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