I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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