I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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