we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize