I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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