Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
