and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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