it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
3 2 1 whiskey
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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