tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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