i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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