She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
