You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
