so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need a hoe opinion
go on
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
