Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
