i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize