is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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