He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
