you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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