By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
