Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
