I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize