ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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