THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
