I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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