sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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