The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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