I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
