the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
