I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
