I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
