yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
