I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Randomize
