In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
