dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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