White coat. Heels.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
