hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
