The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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