U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
