$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
