I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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