The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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