So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
