In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
