I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
