He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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