im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
