Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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