yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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