I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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