So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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