I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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