Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
