I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
