Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
