I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
