So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
