so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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