just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
