man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
