Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
