Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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